mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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