Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
