Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
