I'd wear matching sweaters with you
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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