ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize