It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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