i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
