He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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