I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
