I got chris browned last night
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
