well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
