im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
