fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
