Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
