You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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