Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
vagina is talking i cant
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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