i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize