More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
