She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
