he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
