sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
