She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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