I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
