Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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