How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
