wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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