just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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