U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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