turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
