Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
