is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
