There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I love you.
Bad choice
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