I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
