Plan B is the new Plan A
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
