I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
