I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I want a musical about memes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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