there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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