i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
