all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
