Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if you like me you must not know who I am
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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