Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
