Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
