What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
