At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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