I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
