okay pat passed out under dana's car
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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