highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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