She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
