My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.