First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
These tits shall not be calmed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
