Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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