Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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