WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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