I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Mom said you looked used
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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