these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
