So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
