i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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