I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
