she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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