she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
