All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
