I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
