I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
